Birth Stories

Birthrape

By Natural Childbirth ⋅  Email ⋅  Print ⋅

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Until yesterday, I had never heard the term Birthrape although I knew all too well what it was. I ran across a homebirth study being done by a “PhD candidate in American Studies at the University of Iowa, investigating current home birth cultures, with a strong focus on unassisted birth“.

One of the sections of the study is titled “Birthrape”. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up as I read that. I proceeded to immediately Google the term “Birthrape” and the results I found brought tears to my eyes. The most moving is A Different Kind of Pain in Childbirth by navelgazingmidwife which is a series of statements that she heard other midwives say (and do) during actual births. You simply have to read this and understand that this sort of things happens all the time.

According to the navelgazingmidwife, Birthrape is:

“The experience of having fingers, scissors, and/or tools put/pushed/shoved inside a woman’s vagina or rectum without her direct (or indirect) permission. Being coerced, manipulated, or lied to regarding the health and safety of the baby or themselves so the midwife is able to do something to the mother’s vagina, rectum, cervix, or perineum, usually with excuses; rarely with apologies.

Some find the definition expanded to: The midwife taking the woman’s Power by using disparaging comments, unsupportive expressions, speaking around her as if she is unable to hear or process requests or information.

Even though consent forms are signed in the hospital, birth center, and at home, consent for care does not include the manipulations or coercive words to get women to obey the caregiver.” - A Different Kind of Pain in Childbirth

The word “rape” has passed through my head about a million times since the birth of my daughter almost three years ago despite the fact that I have never in my life heard that word in conjunction with birthing. I was shocked, humiliated and horrified by the violent, cruel and indifferent treatment that I received by my midwife during my daughter’s birth. While it was probably the most disturbing and traumatic part of her birth, it was the part that people around me did not want to hear about it after the birth. I have replayed that evening in my head thousands of times, wondering what I could have done differently to prevent the unthinkable. I have wondered hundreds of times what I could have possibly done to that woman to make her hate me so much. Did I do something during the prenatal visits? Does she treat everyone that way? Was it really only in the interest of time?

Sure, she had an appointment to get to, but to physically violate someone in the most violent and intimate way….. How could another human being with a conscience, a soul, do that to another? How is it legal to violently rape and even mutilate another human being for any reason, during any circumstance? That question will haunt me forever. Do we somehow stop being people because we are delivering a baby? If a stranger would have done the same things to my body that the midwife did, he would go to jail for 20 years for aggravated sexual battery. My midwife walked away, made it to her morning appointment and got paid for it.

This is an everyday reality of childbirth in America. It is so prevalent, most likely because of the inherent conflict of interest built into the current birthing system: births can take days and childbirth practitioners and facilities want it over in less than 24 hours, preferably less than 8. I still have to wonder if there isn’t more to the story than that, however. Something makes me believe in my heart that the childbirth “care”givers (and I use that term loosely) believe in their heart of hearts, that women somehow deserve this degrading and violent treatment for getting pregnant in the first place.

Maybe I have thought too much about it. Maybe they really are in such a damn rush that they feel they can do whatever it takes to expedite the process. What disturbs me the most is that (no offense guys) women are doing this to each other! I just cannot imagine violating another human being this way but to do this to a sister who went to you in good faith and put the well being of herself and her baby in your hands…….ladies, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

For me, there is simply no way I will trust another “care”giver to touch me again (unless I get hit in the head with a brick and marry a OBGYN), any more than a rape victim will visit the same dark parking lot where her brutal attack occurred. If I have the opportunity to give birth again, I will choose unassisted childbirth for myself but if I do decide to have an attendant present, I would choose a lay midwife who was willing to wait 3 days, not do any pelvic exams, not touch the umbilical cord (at all) and let me “catch” my own baby. What are the odds of finding her? One in a thousand? One in ten thousand? More?

Lastly (and perhaps this is PTSD speaking), I wont ever undergo another pelvic exam if there is any possible way I can stop it. The threat of cervical cancer is much less frightening than letting anyone that I don’t love and who doesn’t love me anywhere near my body. I will never give “them” another chance to hurt me, violate me or go anywhere near my holiest of holies. All you “care”givers out there can take that to the bank.

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